Mental Health Awareness Week - "I'm rooting for your rise."

Alright y’all, it’s mental health awareness week so I wanted to share a snippet of my experience with depression. I lost my son, Arie, almost two years ago. After losing him, my emotions were all over the place and I felt like I couldn’t control them. I spoke to my doctor about it and explained to her that I felt like I could have a mental breakdown at any point. I needed to be stable because I still had another son, Harper, who was depending on me. She didn’t give me any options. She immediately put me on depression and anxiety medication and told me it would slow down my grieving process. 

The medication did work for me, but only for a short time. She kept upping my dose until I was on the highest dose possible. I became numb. I couldn’t cry, which I liked, but I couldn’t laugh either. I truly feel like I know what it’s like to be a zombie. I just went through life doing my routine and existing. 

About a month ago, I had this super intense feeling of wanting to come off all these prescription drugs. It scared me but I wanted to feel again, the good and the bad. I want to live, not merely exist. So I talked to my doctor about it. She was hesitant at first, but said it was possible if I really wanted to. So I quit everything cold turkey. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy. Because it’s one of the hardest choices I’ve ever made. I told my parents about my decision and they agreed to help me take care of Harper while I went through this withdrawal process. Two weeks of cold and hot sweats, uncontrollable shaking and chills, no appetite, very little sleep, and depression like I had never felt before were my new constant. I wanted to give up every single day. But something inside of me kept saying “you can do this, it will be worth it.” 

So with the help of my parents and the 
overwhelming love and support from my closest friends, I made it. I learned to go with my instinct. I knew what I wanted and I wanted to get there no matter the cost. I also learned that I had to replace those medications with other things. I started eating healthier, working out, and I started opening up more to those around me about how I was truly feeling. I cannot express enough how important it is to have a good support system during a time like this. Those people that really love you and will be in your corner telling you like it is, not the ones who just nod and agree. 

I quickly learned that those three things helped me more than any medication ever could. I can cry again. I can wheeze laugh again. I can feel again. The process to where you want to be in life, nine times out of ten, will not be comfortable. But I promise you it will be worth. This is just my personal journey. This is what helped me. Please always consult your doctor before making any abrupt decisions when it comes to medication. Always listen to your soul and don’t be afraid to ask your doctor about your options. 

I’m learning day by day how to be a human being and I am not a professional but I hope my story can help someone else out there to know you are not alone in your feelings. And if I made it, I know you can do. I’m rooting for your rise!

Which is Worse? Mental Illness or Physical Pain?

Which is Worse? Mental Illness or Physical Pain?

Have you ever broken a leg? An arm? Two arms at the same time? Even if you haven’t, we all know that physical injuries, especially those requiring some sort of cast, crutch, wheelchair, can take a long time to heal. For example, a minor fracture takes about six to eight weeks to heal depending on the person. More than likely you’ll need some assistance while healing until you can put weight on that bone again. Now imagine someone coming up to you and saying “Why can’t you just snap out of it?” Or “Maybe you should just try harder?” Can you seriously imagine that? Someone asking you “why aren’t you better yet?” I think we can all agree that would seem ridiculous. But yet, we do it every day with people who are struggling with anxiety, depression, grief, bipolar disorder and anything regarding mental health.

Read More