The Wrestle With Healing

I’ve always struggled with the subject of healing. Over the last few years since I graduated college, I’ve kept myself so busy that I haven’t given myself enough time to truly stop, reflect, and let the things kept under wraps float to the top to be dealt with. Things have slowed down (somewhat) and I’ve been intentional about praying through and processing some areas I need healing in.

I don’t enjoy talking about healing or the fact that I need it. Heck, we all need it in some area of our lives. But I easily get upset at knowing that I personally still need it from things that happened so long ago to things that happened last week. When I first became a Christian as a 12-year old, I had so many internal issues that needed to be dealt with. Thankfully, the majority of those deep issues have been dealt with (praise the Lord!), but as an adult now, it takes a weird hit to my pride knowing I’m still a work in progress and affected by things of the past.

I haven’t completely healed from every little thing that I’ve lived through. But has anyone?

As a person of faith, especially in leadership, there’s this added pressure to be okay because people are watching. But just so we’re clear, the only person putting that pressure on me, is me. One of my biggest goals as a leader in the church (worship leader & small group leader) has been to be vulnerable and make sure that people are aware that I’m not perfect, and that you don’t have to be perfect to make an impact. But when it comes to actually dealing with my imperfections, I freak out at times and the negative thoughts start flooding in: “shouldn’t you have already dealt with this by now?”, “don’t open up. people will think it’s sad that you still haven’t gotten over this”, “you might never get over this”, “*thinks of very spiritual person*, they are way more adequate to lead than you are because they’re less broken”, and the list goes on.

Although most of those things I listed are lies, one of them might not be:

Be careful with who you confide your issues with. Even some of your friends are not meant to support you through those issues.

As much as you may love someone and they may love you back, it doesn’t always mean they will offer the words, wisdom, or support you’re needing. But, that doesn’t make them less of a good friend either. It’s just not the friend you need in that particular moment. Find counselors, mentors, and trustworthy people in your life that can offer you the kind of help you need as you heal (this can take time, so don’t stress, persist!).

Ironically, even writing this is healing in a way. Because I get to admit, “I’m not perfect!” And admitting it makes me more aware, that I don’t need to be, because I serve a God that says:

‘"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) I also love the Apostle Paul’s response “…So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

Yes, I may be “broken” in some areas, and a work in progress, but it makes it all the more worth it knowing that it’s literally in the Bible that the Lord works even greater in people who have weaknesses. (AND DAS ME & YOU BOO) Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Jen Aldana x